Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize