This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
