Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize