My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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