I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
