wat bout pragnant strippers??
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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