You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
