I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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