is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
