A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize