I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
