two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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