So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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