on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
