i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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