I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
