I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
