My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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