I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
