Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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