If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
