You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize