Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
