I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
