never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
