can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
