My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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