i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
