You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
