Do you still have your period?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
