I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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