last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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