I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
