So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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