We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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