remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
These tits shall not be calmed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
