Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
