am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
