Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
