Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
