Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
