i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
