I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
