Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you never un-have a 4some
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
