Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
