My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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