Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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