and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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