Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
