i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
