that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
