in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
