i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
