you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
