That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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