I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize