Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
