I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
