You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
