dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize