Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
