you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just high enough for therapy.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
