Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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