so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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