i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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