its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
