she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
