the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
