Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
