I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize