i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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