Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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