I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
