I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
