we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
