i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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