i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
