Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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