You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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