I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
