When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
