He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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