I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
