By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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