"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
