when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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