I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
