I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize